it is a charm, i bet. ^-^

It was like tonnes of words and topics hammered my head in these couple of days. I was terribly insane out here, doing the thinking on things I bothered which sometimes I should just ignore them.

Dwelling on and on.. on those things, I think I have got to make a list so that I will not turn into a psychopath. Haha.

I still remember the night I waited so long for the bus from Kuantan to arrive and fetch me and jojo at the Hentian Kuala Terengganu. It was 2 nights ago and we were waiting until 12 midnight for it to come. When it arrived, the bus driver was shocked to know that we were waiting for the bus and he shockingly asked us where did we buy the ticket. Of course we bought at the Transnational Ticket Counter back in Langgar, Kota Bharu. Ergh! Anyhow, thank god those seats were still left empty, and the other bus driver innocently said, “here the empty seat”.. daaaa, it's ours. Of course we will sit on it. Haha... I seem like a girl with a total madness, aite? Nahh.. we dont really give a damn on what happened at that moment because we were pretty much tired of waiting.. 1 hour and a half in the cold dark night was not a pleasant moment to cherish on.

Speaking of waiting, we discussed what would appear on tomorrow's newspaper if we died. Haha. It should be “two chicks died of bored”..or “dua gadis mati kebosanan”.. haha.. we liked it. Terlalu bosan hingga membawa kepada kematian. Too bored that caused us to die. How ridiculous and very, very insane talk.

While waiting earlier, at that time we hang out at McD's, spekmataku, jojo a.k.a shumuera and I were in very deep conversation on how we perceived people.

Indah: you know what, if I were given a piece of paper with a question; “why do you like him/her? State your reason” for example, I cannot even answer that. Because I like/love you for u. what else should be the reason? If I said, I love you because you wear good clothes, does it means I don't when you were not wearing one?

Spekmataku: well, it's pretty much of how you look in the people. The reason why on earth you come to like this person. You cannot just like him. You will need to see the things he did hat what makes he is. It's the reason that makes you look deeper into that person. The way he walks, he talks, he replies and the way he carries himself. It count.

Indah: well, I agree with you. No doubt we should not abandon those particulars, but to state those reasons as the fundamental core of why I like him, is not quite alright. Those reasons should be calculated in and somehow, they make him. I still couldnt put forward the reason to love or to like or even to be friend with someone. Perhaps, I did reason it out but I come to look at him as one; himself.

Spekmataku: yeap. Sure you are. But mostly, it is sure good when someone says something about you. It showed that he cares, he put you as the major topic to think of. Everything you do did mean something in your relationship. You, as a whole.

Shuumuera: well, it seems you two shared a really interesting idea here. Hehe. So, indah I think you should find someone who you can rely on because you're fragile alright. You need a man who is matured enough to carry your relationship.

Indah: I bet it is. I am so tired to put a strong face. To take a lead and to appear superb; well, I am not that good I guess. I am really tired of putting that strong face, as if I need to do everything on my own, as if I dont need no one to rely on. Oh god, am I sick? Hahaha

shuuemura : haha. Nahh. You're cool, alright. You're great, I know. So, what about your criteria for your perfect match, spekmataku?

Indah: yeah. I bet someone who can complete you?

Spekmataku: hurm.. I .. well,... I cant find the word yet.. hurm..

(silence)

Spekmataku : I want and I bet I need to find someone who can complete …. or who can end my words. Who wants to understand me and who can understand me. I'm tired of trying to understand him but did not get that from him.

Indah: well, may be you havent tried enough?

Spekmataku: I have. I think I had. Hurm.. but seriously I looked for a guy who is willing to understand me, who will be able to share and talk on the same topic, at the same level of understanding. The guy who eventually be able to end my word. …

Indah: well, insyaAllah. You're right when you say so since you are very good listener. And when you started to talk, you also need a soulmate/friend to do the same to you also..

*******************************************************

okay that's all for today.. InsyaAllah, things will be easier and better for us and you. I wrote this because I think I should share it with the world on the things we girls dwell on, which are not only some stupid and naïve gossips around the clock. Hehe ^__^

aku mimpi lagi..

dah banyak kali aku mimpikan serangga.. atau lebih tepat, labah-labah
and it is not good ones. i was annoyed and threatened by their presents, they are everywhere near me, that makes me hard to walk pass the place i was standing. it was very 'seriau' or eerie..

they keep bugging me. i dont know why but when i come to think of it, i was rather disturbed by the feelings during the post-dream. i seldom remember my dream, like before, i dreamt about snake. only after 4 years i realised i have been dreaming for, only to grow in number, the same thing; snake!~i know this is when i go for the treatment, it was sihir and everything.

and now, the bugs are bugging me. it doesnt drive me crazy but i would really like to know about it. just wondering the hint/sign in it. hope Allah protects me from syirik/kufur. insyaAllah

here some of the meanings the net gave me:

Dream Interpretation Spider


The spider is a symbol of poisonous and sinful desires, on one hand, and an emblem of skilful and creative attitudes, on the other hand. If you dream of a spider, you'd better be honest and work hard in order to be happy and successful. To dream of a spider sitting on your skin: you need to be ready to fight provocation and worries. Sometimes a spider represents female seduction which "devours" of the male, in this case reconsider your behaviour, it may look patronizing, overprotective or demanding.

Tafsir mimpi tentang binatang

98. Mimpi melihat labah-labah
Nasib anda sangat diragukan.
99. Mimpi membersihkan sarang labah-labah
Persahabatan akan retak.
100. Mimpi melihat sarang labah labah
Jagalah perasaan anda dalam menghadapi musuh/lawan

**i'm not sure about seeing the web, but the spiders is everywhere.. and i was so afraid..

and this is what i found in ibnu sirin page, it was rather positive, but it showed that it is as how the western believe.

LABAH-LABAH *menurut Barat:

Labah-labah: Melihat labah-labah bermakna anda akan berhati-hati, bekerja dengan rajin dan menemui sukses. Labah-labah yang besar bermakna sukses yang cepat.
Tapi kalau anda dikejar atau digigit labah-labah tersebut bermakna masalah atau kesukaran dengan kejayaan tersebut.


hurm.. all in all, i pray to The LOVE, Allah who knows everything as He is the ONLY Creator and God for all. insyaAllah.

dear love..

dear love,

my heart is craving for you.
you sounds so pure,
so admirable, so fresh.
you shall give the spirit to my soul to live on.

dear love,

you come in a variety of range.
and now my heart is dying for the soulmate's.
i need to find the one whom can complete me,
one who owns you
and is willing to share you with me.

dear love,

i am looking for you everywhere,
but i had never found you yet.
perhaps, i did not look hard enough,
may be, i am not searching for you,
at the right time, at the right place
and for the right person.

right that does not mean perfect,
but one who can accept me as who i am,
me who has more weaknesses than strength,
and is ready to explore
for the mystery ahead with me..

hurm..
perhaps i should pray more to Allah,
to grant these love wishes..

and perhaps,
i just need to keep on trying..

^_^

p/s: i'm attending the First Steps Teaching English course in Pengkalan Chepa. and there was a man that caught my eyes, but he shows no interest in me. ehehe. sometimes i do feel that i should not aim for him,but some parts of me, being so optimistic, urge me to try to hit on him.

haha. but really, i'm not really into him. he just not a hit. not for me because i think he's already has someone. takkan la xde org lg. huhu..

well, actually,he is not really my taste. hate the part that says, "why not", "at least you try".. because i dont know my taste. fair and has beautiful hands. and has good personality and character. that's it. haha. i may be am bold and loud, but i dare not hit on somebody. i am afraid of the rejection. like any other girls would feel. huhu

TESLians' Convo - Topic 1

This years ‘ IIUM 25th convocation, the silver jubilee, marked the end of our studying years as undergraduates. We never think that it would be so fast, 6 years together, 50 of us, we never get bored with one and another.

And for me, the wonderful memories spent together can never be forgotten and will always be cherished. I can see myself changed, personality wise and of course, physically. Hehe. Well, I was pretty much of a rebellion back then. If there’s something wrong, I would blatantly speak out my mind without hesitation, without considering how people would feel or react to my action. Sometimes, I did regret for what I do and end up crying on and on without realizing why. I just felt like crying. I was unable to see or understand myself… but now I know why… because I don’t love myself. Back then, I felt that people should appreciate and love me… but I forgot to love myself.

Not only friends, my lecturers also did notice my misbehaviors. After I played the role of Project Manager for TCW- Tesl Community Weekend, (the Intervarsity Theatre Competition which comprises our girls’ brain and action to come out with several activities besides theatre) only then, I can see Allah tested me with my patience. I was condemned so hard by all of my friends although the programme was a success. Most of them never had the experience of how a programme runs and cannot bear with my style of leadership. Well, I cannot say I am a leader type but more of a consultant. I was so down that I taught of quitting my TESL studies. My parents also suggest so, well, sarcastically. Of course my rational and my parents sarcasm of me being low self esteem and motivation failure turns me on, to react the other way around, to give me a magic strength to be redha of what happened.

Thank god, Dr. Ariffin Mamat and all representative lecturers from other university praised me for what I had come out and done. He, personally, asked me to train our junior to held such a programme. The TCW programme was still a success until now, Dr. Suhaila is still proud of it. Its nature and its cooperation it brought us apart and closer in the same time. TCW is a magical programme that brought into the magical experience.

Talking about patience, it sure had changed me a lot. And sometimes I felt so lazy to argue on things that are not necessary to fight for. It also taught me about sacrifice; not blindly sacrifice what I am and what I had, but rather on being reasonable and considerate. And yes, I learnt how to think of others, as the same as I think of me. Patience increases my rationale and empathy. Thanks Allah for the challenges. You made me become stronger each day, insyaAllah. ^__^

sudah lama tidak update

di sini, aku saje mau letak the senarai semak untuk aku refer.
ye la.. aku perlu update
tahun ini merupakan tahun yang sibuk dan membawaku kpd perubahan yang agak besar..

1. practicum ends
2. mula keje
3. masalah kuaters
4. puasa + raya
5. konvo.. yey!
6. makan pompuan? jadi rutin?

okehh.. t aku cte ek.. hehe.. sibuk pye pasal..
ni nk kne bawak adik aku makan roti cotek.. kalo nk tau apa itu roti cotek, meh datang kelantan. hihi ^___^

salam..

ahhh.. hati ku remuk!

have a look at these lyrics. and listen to the song.
perhaps u can sing along to this song.

i feel kinda down today. i'll wite much more later.
hope u guys enjoy the song..
it's the best indicator of how i feel right now.

p/s: thx AE for the song~~ i'm really down..

aku di SK Laloh, Kuala Krai

ini adalah update pantas kerana aku ada kelas pukul 11.15...

aku rasa sangat best dan senang di sekolah ini, cuma sedih kerana jauh dari rumah. bila dipikir2 balik, aku seharusnya bersyukur kerana ramai lagi kawan2 aku nun di sabah yang sangatlah berjauhan dari rumah dan mengajar di negeri orang semestinya. kali ini, giliran anak2 johor di hantar ke Sabah dan seorang terpisah ke Sarawak di atas sebab mengikut suami. dikatakan mengikut suami, tapi tetap di tempatkan di kawasan yang amat jauh, ye lah.. Sarawak kan luas..

hurm..

aku di sini sebagai seorang guru english. orang kata, first posting, supposedly mengajar dalam 3 to 5 years in the same school. believe me, mengajar itu Okay sebab anak2 didik semuanya berpotensi dan minta dalam pelajaran, tapi kes aku kena duduk kuaters yang bercampur2 dan ramai ... menggusarkan aku. tapi aku syukur, stakat ni, semua housemates boleh dibawa berbincang dan agak bersatu pendapat. setakat ni lah..

hihi..

kay..
nanti ticer nisa update lagi. dari tadi cari wireless, dekat bilik guru tak dapat tapi bila aku try di pejabat sambil fotostat, dapat pulak. hihi. alhamdulillah.. ada juga wireless free. tapi tulah.. bila update, aku type guna bahasa melayu.. hehehe... tu lah.. nasib baik tak guna bahasa kelantan. hurmm...

hari tu ada seorang budak cakap, ticer cakap bahasa bandar.. wkakaka.. ye la, bila mengajar, aku guna bahasa melayu standard together with English, because pupils here did not even understand a simple command.. like turn on the fan and the lights unless I pointed to the fan and lights.

hurmm....
kay lah. it's almost time. daaaaaaaa ^_____^